Love, Faith
by serenity2bliss
Summary: DL.Takes place sometimes after Love Run Cold.UPDATE:CHAPTER 16
1. Chapter 1

Title: Love, Fate

Summary: Takes place after Love Run Cold.

Rating: T

A/N: A huge thank you to my betas **love token** and **somehearts.** You guys have been a huge, _huge_ help to me. This is my first DL fic and it goes out to all the lovely **ZBs** at You guys are all awesome! XOXO!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.

**CHAPTER 1**

Danny Messer walked to the locker room after finishing his 18 hours shift. He was exhausted, tired, and extremely pissed off. Dealing with stupid fuckin' perps will do that to him. All he wanted right now is to go home and sleep and pretend that the world he's living in is so damn peaceful that the word 'murder' doesn't even exist. Ever.

He sat on the long bench in the locker room and stared at his closed locker. He didn't know how long he was staring at it until he saw a hand waving back and forth in front of his face. Startled, he turned around and came face to face with Lindsay Monroe, who looked just as crappy as he was but nevertheless beautiful.

"Danny, you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. Thanks."

He stood up, opened his locker and started to gather his stuff. He looked at Lindsay from the corner of his eyes. She too was ready to head on home.

He hardly got to see her these days. The last time they had worked on a case together was…Oh,God, he couldn't even remember when that was. It had been _that_ long. Sometimes he wondered why Mac never paired the two of them together anymore.

_Did she ask Mac not to pair her with him anymore?_ He thought to himself.

After she stood him up on their date and he cornered her about it, things hadn't gone so smoothly between them ever since. They greeted each other good morning, exchanged a few 'hi's and 'hey's but that's it. The flirting, the bantering; all gone.

He missed that. He missed her. And he knew in order to make things right again, he had to make the first move. Right now.

He took a deep breath, shut his locker, and cleared his throat. Lindsay, who was putting on her jacket, turned around to look at him with her eyebrows raised.

"Going home?", he asked.

_Well,duh_. _Stupid question,Messer_.

"Yeah. You?"

"Same here."

She nodded and smiled. "Well, goodnight then,Danny. I'll see you tomorrow," she said and started walking towards the door.

"Lindsay,wait."

She stopped dead in her tracks but didn't turn around. Her head was bowed down, shoulders hunched. He could hear her sigh.

He walked and stood in front of her. After a few seconds, although to him it felt like hours, she finally lifted her head to look at him.

Exhaustion was evident on her face. He felt like a first class insensitive bastard for doing this now, but he had to. He just had to.

"Are you going to stand here, block the door, and stare and at my not-so-very-flattering face all night or are you going to say something so that once you're done you could step aside and let me walk out of this room and go home?" she said jokingly but there was no trace of humour in her voice.

_Well, that's something…I think. At least she didn't shove me down on my ass and stormed out but not before she stomped me in the face. Okay, here goes nothing._

"Have a drink with me."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: 1.Thanks again to **love token** and **somehearts** for the beta.

2.All mistakes are mine and no one else's

Disclaimer: Refer to Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 2**

She stood there staring at him, completely stunned, in silence.

_Did he just said what I think he just said?_

"I'm sorry,what?"

"Let's have a drink. Together. With me."

"What, you mean now?"

"Now."

_Crap, so he did say what I thought he had just said. Déjà vu._ She grimaced.

It seemed like it was only yesterday when he had asked out. She had said yes but didn't show up. Then later he confronted her about it. She cringed at that unpleasant memory. If she could take back her words she would.

"Lindsay?"

She looked up at him. If only he knew how badly she wanted to say yes. Every cell in her body were screaming at her to say yes but her brain; her very trustworthy-too-smart-for-her-own-good little brain knew that saying yes would be suicidal. She would be better off with pulling a trigger to her head. So she said the words that she knew would pierced her in the heart. And maybe his too.

"Thanks, but no."

"Lindsay…"

"No. I've explain myself to you before. I think the message was loud and clear. Why are you pressuring me on this? God! Just leave it alone and move on!"

She knew she was being harsh, and unfair and not to mention, completely irrational. But seriously, she didn't want to go through all this again. Her heart would not survive another go at this. The first time around, she swore she could feel her heart break. Literally. It took weeks of silent tears and countless bottles of vodka to mend her aching heart.

"But…"

"But nothing," she cut him off, her hands tighten to a tight fist on her sides.

"Goodnight, Danny," she said as she tried to walked around him to get to the door.

But being Danny Messer, he wouldn't let things drop like a sack of hot potato without getting his own points across. So he grabbed her arm, preventing her from walking away _again_.

"Listen Lindsay, the last time we talked, you had the last word. Then you walked away, away from _me_, without a second glance. And that fucking hurts. Well, not this time, not anymore. Now it's _my_ turn to talk and _you_ to listen. And you _will_ listen, one way or the other." His voice sounded harsh and husky but the demanding tone didn't go unnoticed. He had this look in his eyes that were almost predatory and that _almost_ made her cowered.

Instead, she tugged her arm from his tight grip and glared.

"Is that a threat, Danny?" she asked through her clenched teeth.

"Nope, that's a promise."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Again, thank you to my betas, **somehearts** and **love token** ;) Thanks for all the reviews. You guys are awesome and to those who read this fic, you guys are awesome too! This chapter is just a short one but the next part will be longer, I promise.

2. All mistakes are mine and no one else's.

Disclaimer: All in chapter 1.

CHAPTER 3

She had never seen this side of Danny Messer before. He had always been gentle towards her, but now his eyes were cold and menacing. He wanted answer and if she knew Danny the way she always thought she knew him, he will not go away until he got them. And damn him for being a freaking good CSI! If he stank at investigative work, she at least had a chance of lying and getting away with it. She crossed her arms across her chest and huffed.

_Oh what the hell, let's just get this over with_.

"You want to talk? Fine. Start talking. Now. Or I walk. And don't you even think about grabbing me again or I swear I'd …"

"Shut up, Lindsay. Just…just shut the hell up," he started off harsh, but ended his words in a whisper, as if he just realized that this was _her_ he was talking to. Not some street criminal he was interrogating.

He placed both of his hands on her shoulders and walked her backwards, towards the bench. Then he pushed her down, forcing her to sit down with him standing right in front of her. He was standing so close; _too_ close for her liking at this moment, that she had to tilt her head back a little to look at him.

Looking at him was certainly a big mistake because Danny wore an extremely outraged expression on his face. He was way beyond angry. He was pissed off. Extremely pissed off, judging by his arrogance stance; muscular arms folded across his oh-so-sexy chest, and jaw clenched so tight she was afraid it will snapped any second.

Fuck him. She had every right to be pissed off too. So she, like him, folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow at him as if to say, _What the hell are you waiting for, sucker? Bring it on! _


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: As usual, my big thank yous goes out to my betas **somehearts** and **love token** for their ideas and suggestions and of course, for correcting my grammar P For all you guys who have taken the time to review, thank you so so much!

A/N 2: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

Disclaimer: Everything in Chapter 1

* * *

**CHAPTER 4**

Looking at the expression on her face now, he didn't know whether to smiled or scowled. Here he was, pissed off than ever, and she wasn't a tiny bit scared. Even if she was, she hid it very well. Instead she looked just at pissed as he was…and hot. Damn, if he knew she look this hot when she was pissed, he would make her pissed off a long, long time ago on a daily basis. He almost grinned at that thought. _Almost_.

He had so many things he wanted to say to her. So many unanswered question. But standing before her now, he didn't know where to begin. He raked his fingers through his hair and sighed with frustration.

"Lindsay," he started, as calmly as he could muster," You said you wanted time, I gave you that. You said you wanted space, I gave you that too. I'm not happy with it, with _any_ of it, but big fucking deal. If that is what you wanted, then I give it to you."

She nodded but didn't say anything. So he continued, "So what's the problem here, Lindsay? What's with all the fucking walls and bricks between us? When I invited you for a drink, I meant it as friends. That's what you wanted, right? For us to remain _just_ as friends? I'm trying to do my part of the bargain here, Linds."

She turned her head away from him and bite her lower lip, as if she's trying to hold back from speaking out. Or tears. Perhaps both. And that made him feel like a real jackass.

_God, what's with this woman? How in the world has she managed to make me feel hopeless and a first class asshole, all at the same time? What magical spell has she cast on me?_ He shook his head a little to cleared back his thoughts and focus on what he wanted to say.

"I messed up. I know it now. Maybe if I didn't ask you out, we wouldn't be in this situation." She shook her head but still didn't turn to look at him.

"Help me out here, Linds. I want to fix this…this thing between us. I want to go back to the way things were. I may not like it because that would mean I have to settle with something lesser than I would have wanted for us but hey, anything's better than this."

He knelt down on the floor so that they were on the same eye level. His left hand was on her cheek, his thumb rubbing in a circular motion softly. She closed her eyes, as if to savor his touch.

"Meet me in the middle, Lindsay," he said softly. His face, so close to hers that she could feel his warm breath when he speaks. "I know you don't like being stuck in this mess anymore than I do. But I can't fix this alone. Not because I don't want to but it's because I don't know how. There are so many things that I still don't understand. Things I desperately want to know but I don't know how to ask."

Her lower lip and chin trembled, a sign that shows she was indeed, on the verge of bursting to tears. She covered her lips with shaky fingers and closed her eyes tight, trying desperately not to cry.

His heart break at the sight before him. Making her cry wasn't part of his plan. He wanted to apologize but knew he wouldn't. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. He needs to get to the bottom of this for the sake of his own sanity. So he just waited there, on his knees, patiently and brush the curls from her face; waiting for her to get herself together.

She took a deep breath and let it out.

"What do you want me to say, Danny?" she asked, her voice shook.

"Anything. Everything. Hell, I don't know, Montana. I just want to make some sense of this hell that we're going through right now. You gave me the ultimate cliché 'It's not you, it's me' line," he made the quotation sign with his fingers. He knew he look remarkably silly doing that but he didn't give a damn.

He continued, "But guess what? I don't buy any of that crap. I'm dying here, Linds. And tired. So damn tired of trying to figure things out. Trying to figure _you_ out. So please, put me out of this fucking misery and give it to me straight. Whatever it is, I can handle it. I'm a tough guy," he pleaded, trying to make eye contact with her but she kept evading his eyes. He tried to make her turn her face by placing his fingers under her chin but she wouldn't budge.

_I cannot believe that I'm on my knees, begging a woman to talk to me. What happen to those days when I had to begged them to shut the hell up and leave me alone? God, I'm so whipped_! He cringed that last thought. Thank goodness Lindsay wasn't looking at him. Otherwise she would have notice his facial expression and an explanation would be in order.

He collected himself just in time to see her turn her head, bowed down, looking at the floor. She lifted her eyes to look at him, only to turn her gaze away a few seconds after that. But that was all the time he needed to read the troubled look in her eyes.

He took her right hand in both of his. It felt icy cold but still, a perfect fit. He unconsciously stroked the back of her hand and plant a soft kiss on the tip of her middle finger.

She closed her eyes and sighed. His tender gestures moved her and a tear rolled down her cheek without her realizing it.

He wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Lindsay," he breathed out her name.

She wet her lips with her tongue; a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Danny, as she gazed into his beautiful blue eyes. With two fingers, she touched his stubbled jaw and traced the corner of his lips.

He closed his eyes, relishing the feel of her hand, her skin on his.

There was a moment of silence shared between them before Lindsay felt the bubble of air trapped in her throat pop, and the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could shut it.

"I'm engaged."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: A huge shoutout to my lovely betas, **somehearts**, **lovetoken** and **sallyjetson**. You guys have been a huuuuuuuuge help! muaxx To all the reviewers, thank you so so much. To the lurkers, thank you for taking the time to read this fic ;)

A/N: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

Disclaimer: Everything is in Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 5**

The first thing Lindsay did when she got back to her apartment was run to the bathroom. She washed her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

"Beautiful," she said dryly.

Looking at her reflection, she felt a sudden urge to smash her fist into the mirror. She couldn't stand to look at herself, and it was not because of her looks. Sure, she looked like pathetic crap tonight even the cab driver who had driven her home couldn't take his eyes off her.

He kept glancing at her through his rearview mirror until she couldn't stand it anymore and snapped, "I'm fine! I'm trying my damnest not to cry here, okay?! So leave me the hell alone and just freakin' drive!"

_Don't cry. Don't you **dare** cry_! She had repeatedly told herself the entire way home.

"I'm so sorry, Danny," she said to her reflection.

Fresh tears started to form at the back of her eyes. The next thing she knew, she was on the cold bathroom floor with her back against the door, knees raised to her chest and head hung back. Then she willed the tears to roll freely down her cheeks, sobbing so hard that for a split second she was afraid that her chest would burst open into million pieces. She realized that she didn't give a damn if it did.

Flashback

_He flinched away from her touch, as if her skin had burnt his. _

"_Engaged?" he whispered._

_She nodded, biting on her lower lip. Her hand reached out to touch him. "Danny…"_

"_Don't touch me. Don't you fucking touch me!"_

_She flinched at his harsh voice. He had never spoken to her this way before. But then, he had had no reason to._

_He stood up from his kneeling position on the floor and leaned his long frame against his locker, head hung back slightly. He closed his eyes and breathed heavily. His nostrils flared and all of his muscles tensed. _

_She didn't know what to do or what to say, so she remained seated on the bench and stared up at him._

_**Please, Danny. Please open your eyes and look at me.**_

_As if he could hear her thoughts, he opened his eyes and looked at her. Just looked at her._

_She knew he was debating with himself. He was also trying to keep his temper in check. He would never hurt her, physically. She was certain of that. But right now, she was more worried about the emotional blowout that she knew Danny would heap on her at any moment. She knew what Danny was thinking; that she had played him._

"_Is this a joke? Am **I** a joke to you, Lindsay?" He asked softly._

_She shook her head vehemently. "No," she whispered._

"_Then what the hell was all this?" he snapped, arms spread open and there was an undisguisable hint of disgust in his eyes._

_Never in a million years would she have thought Danny could look at her that way. But turned out, he could. He did. And it hurt._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N :** To my lovely betas, **somehearts, love token**, and **SallyJetson**. You guys have no idea how much your helps mean to me. So thank you so very much!

To the reviewers, thank you guys so much! It makes all the typing and flipping thru the dictionary all worth while! ;)

To the readers, thank you for reading it ;)

**A/N 2**: So sorry for the lack of update. College has been massively crazy for the past few weeks and the craziness is far from over, unfortunately (

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

"Damn her to hell," he muttered under his breath for the umpteenth time. He was lying flat on his back; fully clothed, on the bed, consumed in the darkness of his bedroom. After gulping down his cold beer in the kitchen, he walked straight to his bed without even bothering to switch on the light. All he wanted was to erase the last 1 ½ hour nightmare from his memory.

"_I'm engaged."_

Her words still echoed in his head. He covered his ears with both hands, as if that would help to block her words from penetrating into his soul. He wanted to howl at the top of his lungs for the whole world to hear, for _her_ to hear. Maybe then she would realize how much her words had killed him deep inside.

"Damn her to hell," he growled again.

He hated her.

He hated her for making him feel wanted, only to be shot down _twice_, though the second blow was the one that really ripped him apart.

_A fatal blow courtesy of a country bitch_, he scoffed.

He hated her for making him feel like he was special, like was the one; only to let him know he wasn't the _only_ one.

But most of all, he hated her for making him feel loved, like he had never been loved before.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

**FLASHBACK**

"_Then what's all this?" he snapped with his arms spread open. He looked at her and he couldn't help thinking, I don't know her. Who is this woman? Lindsay would never play this sick, cruel, mother fucking joke on me._

_But she did and that angered him more. _

_If there is one thing that Danny Messer hates more than the Tanglewood bastards is someone who has played him like a fool._

"_All this while, all that shit about needing some bloody time and stupid space is just fucking lies, is that it? Why not just come clean with me, that you're screwing some guy but decided to fuck around with my head while you're at it 'cause that would be jolly fucking fun!"_

_She flinched back at his crude words like he had just smacked her across the face. Her eyes began to glisten. _

_Under normal circumstances, that would tug at his heart and make him want to punch, like an old punching bag, the person responsible. But this time, he didn't give a damn because the person responsible was him, and the rule did not apply. Besides, he was already hurting like he had just being hit by a truck and experiencing an internal bleeding that would be invisible even to the most high tech scanner. _

"_You don't understand. It wasn't like that," she said hoarsely._

"_Oh no? Then what was it like?"_

_She opened her mouth but no words came out. So she snapped it closed and looked away._

_He scoffed. "Just what I thought."_

* * *

_He was pretty sure the whole lab had heard his outburst but whether or not they knew, who was the recipient of his anger remained to be seen. He should feel ashamed of himself for losing his temper at his workplace and for using the crude language that would make his grandma roll over in her grave. But he didn't give a fuck about any of that. He had expected someone to burst into the room by now but no one did. They were either scared of him chomping their head off or they were just too busy to entertain a pissed off, hot headed CSI. He figured it was the former rather than the latter._

"_Danny."_

_The sound of her voice brought him back to the situation at hand. He rubbed his jaw and that reminded him that not a moment ago, she had touched him there. He remembered how much he loved the feel of her fingers touching his skin, how calming and soothing it felt. But the memories of it all brought upon another level of disgust towards her now._

_How had this country girl manage to take me to heaven with her simple touch then shoved me down to hell the in a split second? A lump filled his throat._

_He finally replied, "What?" His voice was hoarse. He turned around so that his back was facing hers. He leaned his forehead against the locker._

"_Let me explain," she said, her voice slightly above whisper._

"_Don't bother."_

"_But, if you would just…"_

_He cut her off. "Go home, Lindsay."_

"_Please…" she begged, her voice shook. He knew she was trying to hold back her own tears. He had to give her prop for that. Any other woman he knew would probably be on their knees by now, crying like a leaking water pipe and apologizing 10 ways till Sunday. But not Lindsay Monroe! _

"_Go away. Get outta here. Go home. Get laid. Go to hell. I don't give a fuck. I just want you away from me," he said with gritted teeth._

_After a few seconds of silence, he heard a soft cracking sound from behind. He knew the sound came from the bench, signaling that she had gotten up. The clicking of her heels walking away from him and towards the door confirmed it. _

_Then it stopped._

_He closed his eyes. Breathe, Messer. Breathe._

"_I know you're thinking the worst of me, that I'm no different from the street girls you normally see in the dark alley." She practically spat the words. "But you're wrong. I'm not like that at all."_

_He scoffed and rolled his eyes at her last comment. He didn't turn around but he knew she was standing at the doorway._

"_I know that I hurt you, Danny and I'm sorry. I also know that you hate me right now but that's okay. All I wanted was a chance to explain myself and for you to give me some benefit of a doubt, just as I've given to you in the past," her voice cracked mid-sentence._

_He knew perfectly well what she was referring to. It was during the case last year when she had found his DNA on a cigarette butt that was found at the scene where a body was buried. She hadn't gone straight to Mac with her finding; she went straight to him, to give him the chance to explain himself. He didn't, of course. Now that he thought about it, he didn't know why he didn't. _

"_You may feel that everything I've said to you in the past year was a lie. I don't blame you. But I just want you to know that when I told you that I like you; that was the truth. If you can't find a place in your heart to believe me about everything else, I just want you to believe that. I need you to believe that." With that as her departing words, she walked away._

_He turned his head to look at the doorway where she had been standing. He swallowed hard and slammed his fist to his locker with anger. Then he felt his knees weaken as he plopped down on the floor; back against the bench. He raised his left knee close to his chest and propped his left arm on top of it. He bowed his head until his chin was almost touching his chest. His shoulders shook as he cried his silent tears._

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Thank you to **somehearts, love token, and SallyJetson** for their patience for correcting **all** my grammars P

To all of you guys who have reviewed my story, thank you, thank you, thank you! hugzzz

To the lurkers, a big thank you to you guyz too! ;)

**A/N 2:** All mistakes are mine and no one else's

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

* * *

**CHAPTER 8**

Things had been intense between them since that night in the locker room. They made a conscious effort not to be in the same room together. If they saw each other in the hallway, they would pretend to be deeply engrossed with their results or evidence and would just walked pass one another.

Having worked very closely together for the past year, they knew each other's daily office routine pretty well.

Lindsay would come in half an hour earlier than usual to avoid bumping into Danny in the locker room. She knew what time he usually took his morning coffee in the break room, so she would always make sure to take hers before him.

These days she was the sole occupant of their shared office. She had no idea where Danny spent his time. She noticed half of his mounting paperwork was no longer on his desk so he must have taken it with him, wherever "him" may be. Her wild guess would be Hawkes's room.

They did a remarkably good job in avoiding each other for almost two weeks until one day Mac demanded a complete case report from Danny by the end of his shift.

Thinking Lindsay was out in the field, he walked swiftly to his room, whistling to some unrecognizable tune with his hand in his jeans pocket. He stepped into the room and stopped dead in his tracks. He blinked a few times, unsure whether the sight right in front of him was real or not.

There she was, arms folded on the table with her face buried sideway in the crook of her arms. Her eyes were closed.

She had never fallen asleep on the clock. No matter how tired she was, she would always face the day in full stride with, of course, the help of super strong black coffee pumping in her blood system.

_Looks like I'm not the only one who has trouble sleeping at night._

Judging by her current state, he knew the reason she couldn't sleep was the same reason as his and not because she was staying up screwing the brains out of her fucking fiancée.

_Oh hell, how can you be sure of that? You're not sure of pretty much everything these days. You don't know this woman. Not anymore._

_Temper, temper, Messer. Mac is only a few feet away._

He debated whether or not to wake her up to let her know he was in the room.

_Ah, screw it._

He cleared his throat soundly.

Her eyes fluttered open a little. She blinked a few times, then when she finally realized where she was, her back snapped straight and she quickly straighten the mess in front of her.

"Cool it, Monroe. It's just me."

She snapped her head around to look at him, noticing for the first time he was there. She let out a breath of relief.

"Thank God," she said under her breath.

He took his seat at his desk, which was across from hers. He turned on his computer and looked at her over his glasses.

She was looking down at her papers on the table but her focus wasn't on them. She looked completely lost and disheveled. He noticed something at the corner of her lips and covered his mouth to stifle a grin.

"Monroe?"

Her head snapped up. "Huh?" she replied breathlessly.

He couldn't help but chuckled. "You're cute and all, but –" still looking at the computer screen, he tapped the left corner of his lips " a drool is _so_ not a good look on you."

TBC

**A/N**: This chapter is a lil light-hearted compared to the all the previous chapters. I'm sure you guys are getting sick and tired of all the angst ) Hope you guys enjoy this one and don't forget to review! hugzz


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**: To **somehearts, love token, SallyJetson**, thank you thank you thank you!

To the reviewers, you guys are awesome! Thank you so much for all the feedbacks!

**A/N 2**: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

* * *

**CHAPTER 9**

She quickly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand; face red like a ripe tomato.

_Drooling, Monroe? Seriously???!!_

She grimaced, "Sorry."

All she got for a response was a shrug of his shoulders.

_So this is how it's going to be from now on, then. Good job, Lindsay. Way to go!_

She shook her head sadly and swung her focus back to her paperwork. But she couldn't stop herself from stealing a few glances in his direction. He looked good.

_Oh, who are you trying to kid? He looks gorgeous. Blue is definitely his color. Just like black is to…_She shook her head frantically to get rid of her train of thoughts.

_Don't even think of going there. Work, Monroe. Paperwork. Think paperwork. Think Mac. Think paperwork **and** Mac._

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, craned her neck from side to side and shifted herself in her seat to a more comfortable position.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

His question surprised her. "What?"

"Am I making you uncomfortable? Do you want me to leave?" He closed the file on his table with a thud and made a move to collect his papers. "Because if you do, just say so. Let me just grab what I-"

"NO!" she said sharply. Too sharp, even to her own ears.

She winced. "Sorry. No, please, stay. This is your office too. Well, actually this _**is**_ your office. I'm just…if anyone should..."

"Okay, stop," he interrupted with his hands in front of him.

She stopped her rambling and looked at him, mouth slightly open.

They studied at each other silently.

He took note of the bag under her eyes and her messy curls, thanks to her short nap earlier.

She noticed how strained and tired his eyes were. The naughty glint in his eyes that she had become so accustomed to wasn't there. His eyes just looked…dead.

"Listen-"

"Danny-"

Silence.

He stared at her.

She returned his gaze.

He grinned and look away, slightly embarrassed.

She smiled that sunny smile of hers, head ducked shyly.

_Well, well, well_, she thought happily.

_Yessssss! Tension, begone!_ He had to call on every ounce of self control to restraint himself from pumping his fist in the air at the sight of her smile.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** First off, a huge thanks yous to my betas, **somehearts, love token, and SallyJetson**. You guys have been **a huge** help to me!

To my lovely reviewers, I love you guys! Your feedback are always welcome and they're so much fun to read!

**A/N 2**: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

* * *

**CHAPTER 10**

"You were saying?"

"You first."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. What is it that you want to tell me?" she asked anxiously.

He smiled. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. You didn't deserve any of those nasty things I said and for me to talk to you the way I did was unforgivable. I have no say whatsoever in your personal life and I crossed that line. I was a real ass. If there's any way, any way at all, for me to make it all up to you…"

"Well…there is one," she smiled mischievously

"Anything," he said automatically.

She chuckled. "So serious, Danny, Relax. I'm not going to ask you to do naked bungee jumping from this building or anything like that," she chided playfully.

"Phew, that's a relief, "he joked. "Just for the record, if that is what you _really_ want me to do, I would gladly do it; just to prove to you how sorry I am," he said solemnly.

Then he added, " Except for the naked part. A guy has to draw the line somewhere."

"Now where's the fun in that? But what I want is something a little bit more…private."

His eyebrows sky rocketed up at her choice of word.

"Go on," he said carefully.

"Have dinner with me tonight."

* * *

" What?…Why?…Have dinner?! Are you serious? Are you sure?" he sputtered in disbelief. 

"Absolutely. I'll come over to your place after shift. Chinese work for you?"

"Chinese's fine," he said dismissively. "But, hold on a sec. I've been nothing but a world class ass to you and now you're rewarding me with the grace of your company tonight AND buying me dinner???!" His voice rose to an annoying pitch with each word.

"Yep."

"So that's it? That's how you want me to make it up to you? No strings, no catch, nothing? "

"Actually," she started "not quite."

He snapped his fingers and laughed. "I knew it! Spit it out, Montana!"

She grinned at hearing him call her by that nickname. She knew at that very moment, things had gone back to normal. He wouldn't have call her that otherwise. To the outsiders, that nickname may seem as a joke; something he would do to get a rise out of her.

But she knew better.

It was a sign of affection, from him. Though it did start out as an outrageously annoying joke!

Her gaze caught and held his. She sobered up a little.

"I want you to give me a chance to explain some things to you. I want us to talk about this like two mature adults."

He opened his mouth to interrupt but she warned him off.

"You said 'anything'," she pointed out.

He pursed his lips and nodded defeatedly.

_She cons me right under my nose! Damn!_

"Good. Now start typing, Messer. You only have 90 minutes left to type out your report before Mac barges in and hauls your ass out of the window. Then you will really bungee jump fully clothed."

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Huge thanks to my betas somehearts, love token, and SallyJetson :hugzzz :**

**To all my lovely reviewers, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement ;)**

**A/N 2:All mistakes are mine and no on else's**

* * *

**CHAPTER 11**

She arrived at his place later that evening with, as promised, some Chinese takeout; fried rice, dumplings and for dessert, egg tarts. They ate, chatted and laughed cheerfully; both feeling content with each other's company. Their conversation was light hearted and animated. They stayed away from any topic that might trigger back to those moments in the locker room.

But they both knew the time for 'the talk' would soon come.

After they were done with the dishes, they walked to the sofa in the living room each with a can of beer in hand.

Danny switched on the TV and the movie 'Serendipity' was on it. He quickly flipped the channel but couldn't find a single show that he was interested in. Or a single one that matched the mood he was in.

Lindsay was curled up next him to him on the couch. He could feel her eyes on him.

_Any moment now_, he thought, still clicking the remote absently.

_She's going to start talking about that fiancée of hers. Must not get angry. Must not get fucked up… again. Must not…_

His train of thought was disrupted when Lindsay snatched the remote from his grasp and turned the TV off. She turned to face him.

"Are you nervous, Danny?"

Her question caught him off guard. "Uhh-"he cleared his throat and tried again. "Nervous about what?"

She looked at him, her eyes narrowed like she was trying to read his mind. Then her face broke into a smile.

She chuckled. "You are nervous."

Danny was about to deny it when she interrupted him.

"That's okay. If it makes you feel any better, I am too. Maybe more than you are." She sighed. "I don't even know where to start."

"Okay," he said tentatively. "How about we start with the easy stuff? Like his name, where he lives?" he suggested. _Does his breath smell? _Of course he'd be dead if he asked her that. They promised to be mature about this.

He wasn't sure about his feelings right now. A part of him wanted to get to know about this guy who stole his Montana's heart.

_His Montana? Whoa there, horsie._

But another part of him, a big part of him, wanted to skip all the formalities and just go ahead and beat the hell out of this guy for getting in the way between him and Lindsay.

_Son of a bitch, I hate you already. I hope you have large nose with nostrils the size of a thumb._

_No, wait._

_What if they got married and had kids and the kids inherited their father's genes?_

_I don't want Lindsay's kids to have large noses. I want **her** kids to have a cute button nose like hers._

_Maybe ocean blue eyes like mine with curly, dirty blonde hair. Brunette sounds good too. Maybe a little mix of -_

_Okay, seriously, Messer. Drop it. Snap, snap. Focus._

He cleared his throat and took a sip of his beer. "Easy basic stuff, Lindsay. We go from there."

"Yeah, sure, okay." She grabbed a pillow on the couch and held it close to her chest.

"So…name. Yeah, well… his name is Derek McKay and he's from, believe it or not, here, New York."

Danny blinked in surprised. "You're kidding? Where did you guys meet? When? How long did you say you've been engaged?" His voice rose to another octave with each question he sputtered.

**TBC**

* * *

**I'm so, so, so, sorry for the delay! College have been super hectic and it's far from over! I have an event to manage on 14th-16th, an assignment due on the 15th, AND a presentation also on the 15th. In addition to that, my lecturer just gave us some feedback on our research paper(it's a group work, 6 of us in a group) this afternoon, and we have some major editing to do and have to resubmit on the 15th at 2pm! I have no idea how in the world am I going to manage all that!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: To my betas, somehearts, love token, SallyJetson, thank you guys so so much:muaxxx:**

**To my ever faithful reviewers, you guys know who you are, thank you, thank you, thank you! Hope you'll like this chapter :-)**

**To the readers, happy reading. Hope you'll enjoy this one **

**A/N 2: All mistakes are mine and no one else's**

**Oh, and this chapter goes out to my boyfriend, Guy. :blush:**

* * *

**CHAPTER 12**

She laughed out loud and threw the pillow at his face but, God bless his good reflex; he managed to catch it before it hit him.

"God, Danny. What are we, playing 20 questions? Relax!" she said in between laughs.

He threw back the pillow at her and she caught it. She laughed again when she noticed he was blushing.

"Shut up, Montana," he said through the corner of his mouth.

When her laughter finally died down a little, she continued. "Where was I? Oh yeah. He's from New York and no, I'm not kidding. Why? Is it so hard to believe that this country girl snagged herself a New Yorker?" she asked with a smug smile.

He grinned sheepishly at her question and made a gesture with his hand for her to continue.

"In answer to your other question, I met him in my second year of college in Montana. He was in his final semester, majoring in telecommunications engineering. We met at a frat party and yes, Danny, before you ask, I do attend frat parties. I enjoyed some of them too," she said pointedly with her eyebrows raised.

He held up his hands in a mock surrender. "Hey, I didn't say anything."

"No. But your face said it all. Anyway, moving on. We talked a little at the party. I was ecstatic, to say the least. He was, after all, one of, if not **_the_** most popular guy on campus. But there he was chatting me up…"

**FLASHBACK**

_Lindsay, wearing a denim mini skirt and white halter top with 3 inch white strappy heels to match and her long curls; with a hint of honey-colored highlights, clipped on top of her head with spiral strands wisped around her nape, was talking with her best friend, Jessica Winston when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She whirled around and came face to face with a solid chest in a black shirt. _

_She tilted her head up a little and her eyes met with a pair of **the** most gorgeous green eyes she had ever seen. She felt herself drown in those eyes until she felt a nudge on her back. She turned around to glare at Jessica but before she had the chance to open her mouth to tell her friend off, a voice came from behind her._

"_Hey," gorgeous green eyes said. He had to bend down a little bit because of their height difference and also because of the blaring music from the stereo._

"_Hi," she replied with a big flashy smile plastered on her face._

_**He's even more gorgeous up close**, she thought giddily. _

"_Derek McKay."_

"_I'm Lindsay Monroe."_

_They shook hands and Lindsay swore she felt static electricity surge through every fiber in her body. They stared into each other's eyes with silly smiles on their faces. The blaring excuse-for-music seemed to disappear…until she heard a cough from behind._

_**Right, Jessica**. She rolled her eyes._

"_Derek, Jessica. Jessica, Derek," she introduced them half-heartedly. **Now bugger off, Jess.**_

_Seeing that Jessica wasn't a mind reader, she stuck around and exchanged a few pleasantries with Derek before he turned his attention back to Lindsay. They talked about nothing and a few minutes later, sensing her presence was not wanted, Jessica excused herself and mingled with other people._

"_So, Lindsay, you interested in going out with me sometime? Like for a drink? Dinner and a movie maybe?" He tried to act all casual but Lindsay wasn't fooled._

_She looked at him in disbelief. _

_**Wow**! **He's nervous. I can't believe Derek McKay is asking me out and he's nervous about it. And all this while I thought he's made of ice**, she thought warily. _

_**Cool ice**, she amended. _

"_Sure. Maybe," she replied nonchalantly_

_**Yessss!** She held herself back from breaking into the Macarena dance. _

_**This push up bra is soooo worth the bucks. Maybe I should order half a dozen more tomorrow morning**, she thought and bit back an evil grin. _

TBC

**

* * *

P/S: ****the push-up bra thing, that was what I was thinking when I first met my boyfriend. LOL. But when I told him about it, he swore that was not the reason he came to talk to me. He said, "Boobs or no boobs, you're the girl for me." Corny, I know!** : 

**I still don't believe him until today,tho! LOL!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: To somehearts and SallyJetson, thank you guys so much for all your help and support!**

**To the reviewers, you guys are super duper awesome! Thank you so much for your reviews!!! **

**To the readers, hope you'll enjoy this one ;)**

**A/N 2: I showed my boyfriend chapter 12 the other day and he laughed out loud at the way I write Lindsay especially the line about the push-up bra. He was like, "I can't believe you're still hung up over the bra thing!!" LOL!**

**A/N 3: All mistakes are mine and no one else's**

* * *

**CHAPTER 13**

Danny whistled when she finished telling her story. "I have to say…I didn't know you had it in you."

"Had what in me?" She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"To let yourself get swept away by some guy you barely know; at a frat party, of all places!"

She snorted at his remark. "Please. Take my word for it. No red blooded female with a healthy dose of estrogen would say 'no' to Derek. You should have seen him that night," said Lindsay with a dreamy smile on her face.

Danny felt like he was about to puke his guts out, but he ignored the temptation to do just that and prodded her for more details instead.

"So…what's next? You two went out, yadi yadi yada… he proposed and you squealed 'yes'?"

"Well…" She hesitated. "Not quite. I wish it was _that _simple," she huffed.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"I was seeing another guy when Derek asked me out," she said in one quick breath.

Danny gaped at her; mouth opened and eyes not blinking. "You're…you're kidding?" he sputtered.

She pursed her lips together and shook her head, feeling slightly annoyed. "Hey, I was young and he's Derek McKay!" she said defensively, as if that would justify everything.

"You cheated on your boyfriend," Danny said, plain and simple.

"No…but…"

"_You_ cheated on your boyfriend," he said again but this time with a trace of amusement in his voice.

"Fine! Yes, I cheated on my boyfriend! I'm a slut! I'm a dirty little country slut! There, I said it! You happy? Can I continue with my story now?" she said exasperatedly.

She threw the pillow she was hugging at him when he laughed, and this time it smacked him right in the face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just that…Oh,man, you never cease to amaze me, Montana," he said between laughter.

She ignored him, as if he hadn't spoken. "As I was saying…" she said through gritted teeth, eyes narrowed to a thin line," I was seeing another guy at that time; Chris Dawson. He and I knew each other since we were kids and we dated since high school. You know the whole cliché, 'falling for the boy next door'? I guess that's one way to describe Chris and I. It was safe to say that our relationship was pretty serious."

"But…" he drawled and wiggled his eyebrows at her playfully.

"But…" She tucked her hair behind her ear and shrugged." He's Derek. He's Derek McKay."

Danny made a gagging sound and she kicked him, hard enough to make him winced.

"There was just something about him that I just couldn't resist. He and I…" she looked up, as if she was searching for the right word up on his ceiling.

Finding none, she chuckled. "We just had this chemistry, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Danny said softly.

She winced at her poor choice of words. She recalled Danny said the same thing to her at the precinct before she confessed to him about not being able to be in a relationship with him. She didn't tell him about Derek then. It just wasn't the right place or the right time.

She wanted to, though. She felt that she owed him an explanation but it was one of those things that you didn't know where and how to begin. She couldn't just come up to him and say, "_Danny, I like you. A lot. Oh, by the way, did I tell you that I'm engage to be married?"_

_You could have told him months ago if you really had wanted to._

_Oh, shut up. Shut up._

_Admit it, Linds. You can't choose out of the two of them. Derek is your fiancé and Danny is…_

_Nothing. He's a friend. A colleague._

_Oh yes, he is that. A sexy one too._

She glanced at Danny and gulped. _Down, girl. Where's your self-control?_

She flashed him a quick smile and whispered, "Sorry."

"Nah, it's okay. Go on."

"Yeah, so…" she cleared her throat before she continued. " I have no idea what possessed me to take up on his invitation. I love Chris very much, mind you, but I've always have a silly crush on Derek."

Danny leaned back on the couch and shouted, "Woohoo, you're such a girl!"

"Shut up," she snapped and reached forward to smack him on his head.

"To make long story short, I kept seeing Derek behind Chris's back for 2 months before I decided to break up with Chris. Trust me, it wasn't an easy choice to make. I loved them both. Chris was my very first boyfriend and I couldn't ask for a more perfect first love than him." Sadness crept in her voice.

"Did Derek knew about Chris?" he asked.

She nodded. "But he couldn't stay away anymore than I could."

"What happened next?"

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: I owe everything to my betas, all the glitters and SallyJetson for their help on this chapter. Thanks, guys!**

**To those who have taken the time to review, thank you guys soo much!**

**AN2: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

* * *

****CHAPTER 14**

**FLASHBACK**

_She stood outside of his apartment building one evening. She had drove all the way to his apartment which was across town from where she lived. After a few minutes of doubt and guilt, she decided it was time to face the music and went inside the building._

_She only had to knock twice on his door before it was opened and Chris greeted her with a smile. "Hey, how are you, honey? Come in."_

_Once inside, he pulled her into a hug and kissed her softly on the lips._

_"I'm good. You busy?" she asked when they pulled away. They walked hand in hand to the kitchen._

_"Just finishing off my thesis but I wanted to take a short break anyway." He opened the refrigerator and took a peek inside. "You hungry? I can make you a sandwich if you want. I don't have much, honey, but –"_

_"Christopher…we need to talk."_

_He lifted his head out of the fridge and looked at her. Lindsay never called him by his full name unless they were having some serious discussion. Or argument. She walked over to the kitchen counter and sat on one of the high stools. She motioned with her head for him to take the seat opposite to hers._

_She looked sad and there were bags under her eyes. He took her hands and kissed the knuckles._

_She broke to tears at his tender gestures. He quickly got up from his seat and pulled her into a bear hug. She buried her face at the crook of his neck and sobbed._

_She felt disgusted with herself for what she was about to do. This was the guy that knew everything about her; her disgusting habits, her allergy to lobster, her ticklish and erogenous spots._

_He was the first boy she had ever kissed; 6th grade at the playground, behind the swing._

_She had lost her virginity to him; prom night, senior year. It had been beautiful. ._

_He had been there for her when her parents got divorced after 18 years of marriage. She had no brothers or sisters. Christopher was all she had._

_She loved him._

_But she loved Derek more._

_She pulled away from his embrace when her tears subsided and wiped her stained cheeks with the back of her hands. She looked at him and he smiled. But the concern in his eyes was evident._

_She trailed her index fingers across his face; his eyebrows, his nose, the dimple on his left cheek, his lips, the cleft on his chin that she loved so much._

_She stared into his delicious hazel eyes which always filled with unconditional love everytime he looked at her. She bit back a sob but she could feel her chin tremble as fresh tears started to block her vision again._

_She raked her fingers through his chestnut hair. She knew this is what she would miss the most, the feel of his luscious hair around her fingers._

_She could spend hours curled up on the couch with him, doing just that, while he watched NBA on TV. She would rest her head on his shoulder and play with his hair curled up at the nape of his neck. He would occasionally bend down to kiss her nose and forehead._

_"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked._

_His question brought her back to the present and she let out a shaky breath._

_"Let's end this," she said softly._


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Shout out goes to my betas, all the glitters and SallyJetson. Thank you, thank you, thank you!**

**Big thank you also goes out to all the lovely reviewers. Thank you for taking the time to drop a word or two ;)**

**Oh, and I totally forgot that I had crossed the 100 reviews line since Chapter 13, so thank you guys sooo very much for that :muax muax:**

**AN2: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

* * *

****CHAPTER 15**

_Silence hung between them. _

_He stepped back in disbelief._

"_Chris…"_

"_Why?" he asked gruffly._

_She tore her gaze away from his and that was all the answer he needed._

"_What's his name?"_

_If it had been any other guy, she would have told him off to mind his own business. But this was Chris and she owed him every explanation in the world._

"_Derek McKay. He's a senior at my college." She told him about the frat party, the dinner invitation and how it all started from that one innocent date._

"_Have you and him…"_

"_No!" she vehemently said, knowing exactly what he wanted to ask but was hesitant to do so. "No, Chris. He and I…no, we haven't, I swear. I couldn't," she said in earnest._

"_Well, thank you for that, I guess," he said dryly._

_She walked over to him and took hold of his hand. Chris looked down at their entwined fingers. Lindsay gave their joined hand a slight tug, forcing him to look at her._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't **want** this to happen but it just did. I didn't mean to hurt you," she said softly as a tear rolled down her cheek._

"_Hey, hey, hey come on, now. Come here." He cupped her face gently with both hands and wiped her tears away with his thumb. _

"_You know I can't stand to see you cry." He put his arms around her and gently rubbed her back to calm her down but that only made her cry harder._

"_I..am so…sorry," she said between sobs, face buried in his chest._

"_Baby, that's okay. You can't choose the person you fall in love with. You do love him, don't you?" he asked as he rocked her gently in his arms._

_She nodded against his chest. "Please don't hate me. Be angry at me, scream and yell at me all you want, but please, please don't hate me," she pleaded, her voice muffled by his now tear-soaked shirt._

_He chuckled. "I don't hate you, I promise. How could I? You're the first girl I ever kissed, braces and all."_

_She let out a small laugh and he planted a gentle kiss on her forehead before he pulled away slightly. He placed both hands on her shoulders as he bent down to look into her watery eyes._

"_I'd be lying if I say I'm not hurting. It saddens me, knowing that your voice will no longer be the first thing I hear in the morning and the last I hear at night. I don't have that privilege anymore. What matters most to me is that you're happy. I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be okay, Linds. But I do want you to know that you'll always have a special place in my heart, no matter how corny that may sound."_

_She let out a shaky laugh as she leaned her forehead against his. In a whisper against his lips she said, "And you're in mine, no matter how corny that may sound."_

_They stayed that way for a few minutes, knowing that it was the last time they would be in this close proximity with each other. _

_Then he pulled back and ran his hand across his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose and gave her a shaky smile._

_Hers was just as wobbly. "I better go. It's getting late and you need to get back to your paper."_

"_Right, right."_

_He walked her to the door, opened it and stepped aside for her to walk through. "Take good care of yourself, baby," he said as she stood at the doorway._

"_I will. You too," she said with a smile._

_She turned around and had not taken five steps before she heard him calling her name. _

_She turned to looked at him._

_He walked over to her with his hand tucked into the back pocket of his faded blue jeans._

_He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. His eyes showed another set of emotions. It was longing and sadness._

"_Can I get one last hug?"_

_His request tugged her heart as she quickly raised herself on her toes and wrapped her arms tightly around her neck. _

_He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and buried his face in her flowery scented hair. He inhaled her scent deeply._

"_I love you, Lindsay Ann Monroe. Always have. Always will."_

_He gave her one last squeeze as he pulled back to kiss her softly at the corner of her lips._

_Then he turned around and walked back to his apartment, shutting the door behind him._


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: To my wonderful betas, all the glitters and SallyJetson, thank you guys so much for sticking with me with this fic! ;)**

**To all the reviewers, thank you to guys too! Your reviews never fail to make me happy!**

**To the readers, hope you'll like this one :)**

**AN2: All mistakes are mine and no one else's

* * *

****CHAPTER 16**

Her small figure leaned against the window frame as she looked out at the tall building and the people walking down the street. It was raining outside. She loved the view of New York City at night. It seemed like the whole city came to life.

It was so different from Montana.

From home.

She felt his hand on her shoulder. She closed her eyes, as if she was trying to absorb the warmth from that simple contact.

"You okay?" he asked from behind her.

"Yeah, I was just…" she faltered as she rubbed her temple and shrugged.

They remained in that position as they both stared out at the night.

After a few moments, he decided it was time to break the silence.

He moved to stand in front of her, bending a bit to force her to look back at him.

"I'm sure breaking up with Chris was a tough choice to make. You should realize how lucky you are that he is a very understanding guy. He didn't give you a hard time. I think he loved you enough to let you go, seeing that he is not the one you want to be with anymore," he said in a whisper.

He tucked her loose curl behind her ear as she smiled.

"You're right. I am lucky. But at that time, I felt like an ungrateful bitch once I reached my apartment. I cried for days and didn't even bother to attend any of my classes. Derek called a few times but I didn't want to talk to him. A part of me blamed him for coming in between me and Chris even though I knew I was the one to blame."

She raked her hand through her hair and let out a shaky breath before she continued, "Jessica couldn't stand the thought of having me mope around in the room and finally called Chris. She knew what had happened but she also knew that if anyone could make things right again," she smiled, "it would be Chris."

"She called a few times but he didn't answer the phone. We figured he angrier at me that he let on. Later that night…" she choked on the last word as a sob escaped her lips.

Danny put his arm around her and gave her a squeeze. He had a feeling that this story wasn't going to be pretty.

She closed her eyes and took a deep shuddery breath. "His dad…his dad called from the hospital. Chris...he said…Chris…" Speaking was impossible for her as tears started to get the best out of her.

Danny rubbed her back gently to soothe her as much as possible.

A real gentleman would tell her to stop talking and hold her in his arms while she cried.

But Danny Messer was no gentleman.

He was a man on a mission.

"Chris died in an accident. His car…collided with a truck. Chris…was drunk. He was never drunk! Never!"

She tugged at the shirt on his chest and cried. She cried so hard, her entire body shook until her knees gave under her.

He didn't know how, but the next thing he knew, he was kneeling on the floor with a crying Lindsay in his lap. Her face was buried in his neck and he could feel her hot tears on his skin.

He didn't know what to say. So he didn't.

But he held her close in his arms.

Close to his chest.

Even closer to his heart.

* * *

**Sorry for the long delay. I'm preparing for my final exams, so the next update won't be until next week. I have 2 more papers to go...Can't wait to get them over and done with!**


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